Disrespect

I hate when I'm trying to talk to someone,
and they flat out ignore the conversation.
It may be their phone,
video games,
a book,
emails,
or nothing at all
but they just plain out don't respond.
It happens at home,
at friends',
and at work.
I am sick of it.

I'm trying to study for my math test
and get all of chapter one's hw done,
but the video games are blaring,
and he won't stop screaming at that damn TV.
Seriously?
A little respect please!
I need an office of some sort.

The realtor for ZipRealty
won't leave me alone!
I've told her I won't be coming
not at least until Spring Break,
but she won't stop sending emails
pestering me for information.
Leave me alone!

I hate how some see me
just because I'm a teenager.
Older women give me dirty looks in stores,
especially in the pricier ones.
Sometimes I even hear them saying
rude comments
about how teenagers need to grow up.
Really?
Ask anyone that knows me.
I am no typical teenager
and I respect you,
why can't you do the same for me?

I have had a credit card for over a year
and never had a late payment
nor have I ever not paid
the full amount!
And yet,
when I tried to get a better card
they denied me
and I'm sure it's only because of my age.
Annoying.

These are all tiny little issues
that really don't mean anything
but at the same time
I hate being disrespected.
So,
I decided to rant :]

kthanksbye!
♥

School and Such

Not gonna lie, this semester is a little overwhelming to take in! But I am ahead in two of my online classes :) It's going to be hard to keep up I can tell, so my goal is to stay ahead. One of the classes has three weeks of work posted right now, but after that he says he will only be posting one week at a time; I aim to get everything for the scheduled week done within the first day or two that he posts the information. The other class has all of the work posted already so I've slowly been working on the assignments there.

My math class is a different story. I'm getting a bit worried, because I haven't been able to log on yet to the actual site. I can get on WebCT where she has the introduction and everything, but the coursecompass is saying that I am registered but not letting me on. I've emailed tech support as well as my teacher but have yet to get a response from either. If I don't hear from my teacher by Monday I'm going to try to get a phone number to contact her. The issue is that if there are assignemnts that are passed already then that means I'm already behind in the class and if she won't let me make them up then... it's just not a good start! I thought about dropping and re-enrolling, but all the classes are taken and the late start classes don't have the right math class.

I got a bit mad when I realized that I could have bought my book for logic class through the website for only $30 (it cost $153 from the bookstore!) I'm going to see if I can return it at MCC but all returns have to be done by the 26th and when I went to pick up my books the returns line was over an hour wait! Blech! I'm hoping they're open tomorrow and there won't be too many people there :D

On a different note, I tried to sign me and my dad up for The Amazing Race today... I didn't realize I have to be 21 :( Hopefully the race is still goin' by then! I think it would be a blast!!!

I've been thinking more and more about becoming a teacher at some point- the classes just look so fun! Plus, the teachers have got to love what they do; they're teaching people how to be teachers... you HAVE to like what you do in that situation, right??? But still, it wouldn't be anytime soon.

I seem to have a new obbsession with mushrooms. I don't know where it came from, but I cannot get enough of them! Mushroom swiss burgers, mushroom chicken from Panda, mushroom and meatball subs from Tessio's (I know, I know, it's a weird combination but I love it!) Currently, I'm eating a steak and mushroom sub (from Tessio's) with mozz cheese and fried mushrooms on the side... see what I mean when I say I'm obbsessed? To be honest, I'm not too fond of the fried mushrooms, I only got them to get above the delivery price. They're good, but I'm really not too big of a fan of fried foods.

I am so not taking any classes this summer... I am ready for a break. I've been in school since Spring of 2009 nonstop and although I've had a few days or maybe a week or two between semesters, I still feel like a couple months is well-deserved. I like the summer courses and the winter-intersession, but I think from now on I may just stick to the regular semesters.

Fall 2008: 15 credits

Spring 2009: 17 credits

Summer 1 2009: 3 credits

Summer 2 2009: 3 credits

Fall 2009: 17 credits

Winter 2009-2010: 4 credits

Spring 2010: 16 credits

Total taken at MCC: 75 credits

As I am doing this I realized something pretty interesting... my art grade still has yet to show up on my transcripts. No big deal, right? NO WAY! I'm so angry; I already wrote a letter and gave it to my advisor to give it to whom he see fit about that teacher; now it's Spring semester and my grade hasn't been posted? What the heck?! Whatever, I'll figure it out eventually :)

Self Esteme

Girls are stupid.

and I mean that in the most affectionate way ♥

Like most girls, if not all,
I catch myself criticizing everything that I do,
everything that I am.
Recently,
I've realized that it's all in comparison:

When I see a girl happier than me,
I tell myself I don't do enough.
When I see a girl skinnier than me,
I tell myself I am not fit enough.
When I see a girl smarter than me,
I tell myself I don't study enough.

It just goes on and on
and in high school,
I even wrote a poem about it:
"Just a fallback, a second choice

Never amazing, only good-enough
Never stunning, only pretty
Never brilliant, only smart
Why am I only okay?"

Although I've grown up,
and my views have changed,
I still find myself thinking about these things.

The other day someone called me ugly,
they even made fun of my nose.
(which I have always been insecure about)
I've never been called ugly before
and although I know I'm not a perfect ten,
I know that I am not ugly.
But still,
it has bothered me
a lot more than I thought it would-
or even could for that matter.

But why?
It doesn't matter what some guy says!

Also in high school,
one of my friends seriously worried me.
At 120lbs,
some guy called her fat!
This was the result:
I still remember her crying,
I still remember catching her in the bathroom,
I still remember her passing out during class...
I hate the person that hurt her,
but I also hate that it affected her like this.

Some days it's easier than others;
we can just shrug it off,
what do they know?!
But at other times,
the criticism wins.

Sometimes I find it hard
to believe that I'm a good person.
I've messed up so much,
and most of it has been recently.
I don't have a best friend,
I don't have a boyfriend,
and sometimes that really gets to me.
But in reality,
it just gives me more time
to be the best that I can be.

I've let this post stray a bit,
but my point is that
we need to stop comparing.
(I still can't put the words in the right places.)
Some people are going to like you,
others won't be able to stand you.
It's just the way the world works,
and as long as YOU like who you are,
that's all that really matters.

After all,
eventually,
[[Everything will be okay.]]

Simplicity

I woke up this morning feeling under the weather; my throat was soar and I had a cough that sounded like a dying whale. So, I decided to stay curled up in my confusing, sleeping-bag-like blanket while watching TV until lunch time. I was stranded at my parents anyway, since my mom and I took my car in to the auto shop yesterday afternoon. Around noon, Mom picked me up and took me to Subway before dropping me off to wait for my car to be ready. The mechanics told me that I needed a new battery, but the guy at Checker told me I didn't. Now I'm a little worried my car is just going to randomly die on me one of these days...

I couldn't help but laugh at myself when I got home. I started to put my new hamper together and realized that I put the top corners on the bottom and now they're stuck, so the top has wheels sticking straight up in the air. That's what I get for not reading the instructions I guess.

When I got to work I tried my hardest to stay out of Laila and Christine's way. They were both in rotton moods and I kept getting snapped at for things I had no control over... once they left though my night went super fast. I didn't have any time to work on homework, which is a bit disappointing, but I'm off until class at seven tomorrow, so I can catch up then. Most of all the guests today were in pretty good moods. I had several of the regulars come down to chit chat while I was busy, but I didn't really mind. I enjoy "hanging out" with the guests- it's the best part of my job! There was one guy (who is always picking fights with me) that straight up yelled at me tonight, but I just told him he doesn't have to stay there. He wasn't happy with it, but it got him to sign the paperwork that needed to be done.

The drive home was the best part of my night I think; rain always puts me in a better mood :) I started off listening to the violin introductions of a Josh Groban song, and then listened to Lullaby. After that I decided to turn off the radio and listen to the rain... it was calming. I wanted to take pictures, but I was driving so I figured that would be a pretty bad idea.

When I got home my cats were all asleep next to one another, but quickly came to greet me when I turned on the light. I decided to open the sliding door for the cats to stare out the screen; they don't see rain often so it always seems to fascinate them. That and I just love to listen to the rain so it's always nice to leave it open.

Final

I took last night off work

so that I could go to Keri's to study.

Too bad Keri was busy D:

I did a lot of studying on my own,

but I got a bit frustraited toward the end.

At around nine pm,

I passed out on my parents' couch.

Then Mom woke me up this morning

and I studied more.

Wow,

what a life I have!

:P

I must admit

I knew more on the test

than what I did on the practice

which is good.

Before I looked at my grade,

I saw these on CharlotteRusse.com:

I promised myself that if I got a C

(or above)

I would buy them for myself.

Only $16.49

plus an additional 50% off another item :}

Unfortunately,

I got a 68%

My overall grade is a 69.7%

if it doesn't get rounded up,

I'm going to throw a temper tantrum.

All that work for nothing?!

Obviously,

I'm going to have to figure something out

something different to do

that will help me on tests.

I'm tempted to take a class in person,

but I've never done well in them before,

what would be different this time?

Plus I don't know how happy my bosses would be,

I would have to swich back to nights

and that would mess up their schedule.

I found the item I would have gotten for 50% off:

So cute!

And only $6

Oh well,

there will always be more clothes to buy :)

Ouch!

I finished up all of the math homework that I can while at work. Unfortunately, I left my calculator at home, so some of it I'm going to have to do after I'm off. This is my last chapter for the class! As I was doing the practice test though, I realized that I'm definately going to need to go over to Keri's and get some tutoring before my final. I am not ready. Laila scheduled me to work tomorrow night, so Mom suggested that I ask Carrie to cover for me. Carrie said that she will do so, which is good, but Laila isn't happy about it. Why? I'm not so sure. I refuse to do poorly in this class- I have been doing okay so far and I'd like to keep it that way! I have a high C and if I can just drill enough of the material into my brain before the test, I may be able to raise that to a B! If I do as well on the final as I did the midterm, I can rais it to an A. If that were to happen, I think I would faint. But it is possible! Seriously, I'm buying myself a car if I get straight A's this semester.

On that note, poor Virginia (my car) isn't doing so hot. I love her to death, and my goal is to get two more years out of her, which would make her seven. I hate to admit it, but I haven't taken the greatest care of her. She's got a hole in her bumper from when I rearended a retired cop, several scratches on the back bumper from people rear ending me, chips and dings from the morrons at my complex, and the interior has a lot of stains. Now she's starting to rattle a bit when I break, and when I go kinda slow she makes a funny sound. I'm hoping it has to do with being overdue for an oil change, because other than that all of her issues are cosmetic.

Back to the topic of school, I decided to buy my textbooks tonight since classes start this week. Wanna guess how much all my books cost? $505.59 Seriously?

Thieves!!!

What's worse, that doesn't include shipping. I wanted to be lazy and have everything shipped to my parents, but when I realized that it was a $30 charge on top of that (more if I wanted them on time) I said psh! and decided to pick them up at the MCC bookstore. I shopped around, but MCC is getting sneaky. Some of their books are made only for MCC students, and you can't get them anywhere else! Two of my books were MCC only copyrights! I did find one of my textbooks for more than $100 cheaper through Barnes and Noble- who gave me free shipping! See? Why can't MCC be that nice??? Amazon was charging even more than MCC, and I didn't even want to attempt Half.com or Ebay this semester (cheap but crappy quality/wrong books.)

Jeans

I haven't been able to think of anything blog-worthly as of late. It's the same old stuff goin' on right about now. I've been racking my brain trying to come up with responses to Mandy's "Celebrety" post, but nothing comes to mind. She posted another blog tonight (or I guess technically last night since it is past midnight...) It's about jeans. This one is easy for me to answer, since it's something that I think about on a semi-regular basis.

She asked how much was spent on the last pair of jeans bought. Personally, I don't remember the last pair I bought, but I'm actually kind of weird about buying clothes. I never want to spend any money on them. If I think they're overpriced, no matter how much I love them, clothes are the one thing I cannot splurge on. At all, ever. Anyway, the most expensive pair of jeans I own were a Christmas gift from 2008's xmas. I think I had been complaining about never having pants that fit right or something, and I think some of the girls in my family became determined to teach me how to like shopping.

The girls (Cousin Jesse, Aunt Lisa, Aunt Susie, Gma, Mom...) went to the mall for some stuff. Susie wanted to get me my xmas gift, so she told me to pick out a pair of jeans. She took me to Macy's, which I hadn't been to since I've started looking at price tags. I found a pair that I liked, looked at the price tag and went to immediately looking for a clearence rack. Eventually, my aunt convinced me to look at a few pairs but wouldn't let me look at the price tags anymore.

I don't know the brand name, but let me just say this: I still have yet to find a pair of pants that fit as well as the ones I got that day do (they were the first ones I tried on too! Woo!) Now, they weren't $300 jeans or anything, but still way more than I ever would have thought of spending myself. The more I think about it though, it does make a little bit of sense to buy nicer clothes just because they last longer. Those jeans still look brand new and it's been over a year (not that my other jeans have really worn that much either to be honest.)

However, when I'm shopping for jeans, if they're $20 I reeeeeally have to like them to get them. I think it's odd but I can't help it! I'll carry the jeans around the store the whole time I'm shopping; if by the time it's time to check out I don't feel like I'd die without them, I won't buy them. Maybe it's because I really don't need any more jeans, but I think it's just because I'm cheap.

Random updates on my oh so eventful life:

• School is kicking my butt, but I'm trying my best and I have a high C in my math class. My final is on Friday, and I can't help but freak out a little bit. I'm trying not to.
• Natalie and I got to hang out a little last night, which was fun :)
• My bosses are driving me nuts at work.
• I have a new credit card, and I love the responsibility.
  
• My brother and I are slowly cleaning the house, but it's frustraiting how it has to get messier to get clean again.
• Someone left their wedding flowers in a fridge at my hotel; they're sitting next to me and smell wonderful. I couldn't imagine going somewhere like Extended Stay America after my wedding, but I guess the marriage is what really counts. The bouquet I have is roses and lillys; Cindy took home one that was all roses. They're small and cute.
• I finally have a phone again, but not many numbers. I hate losing phones.
• I can't find anything to take pictures of lately.\
• I'm still trying to find something entertaining to blog about.
  

Enter Title Here

Work has been sucking the energy right out of me, but for now that's okay. I technically work four days this week, but Friday is a long shift and I go in tomorrow because I volunteered myself to do porter from 10am-1pm. Just a couple hours won't hurt anything... It's funny how most of the time when I'm at work I'm always willing to do such things, but as soon as I get home I'm like, "Why did I do that?!" It all works out, because although I dread going to work the night before, once I get there it's not so bad. I do wish that my managers would communicate a bit better, I'm getting confused! Like this morning Christine gave me five bucks to go pick up another housekeeper from our Chandler location and told me to leave around 8:30 since it would take about a half hour to get there. 8:24 rolled around and I got my purse and started to leave. Laila asked what I was doing; when I told her, she said that I don't have to leave yet. I responded that Christine told me to leave at 8:30 and she said that was rediculous. Christine was outside having a cigarette and talking to her mom on the phone, so I didn't know what to do. Since Christine is above Laila, I told her I was just doing what Christine told me to, and she responded that there was no point. So, I didn't leave. Christine came back in saying, "Brittney, you need to go!" I looked at Laila; nothing. I wanted to talk to Christine about it, but I never got the chance. Stuff like this happens on a daily basis and I can't stand it. Laila never cares what Christine says so she tells us to do something or not do something and then we get in trouble for it. It's just not right :/

10 days until my math final. Ewwwe. I'll be okay, I think. I still have two chapters to finish.

That's another thing, I have drilled it into Laila's head for the past two weeks that I need the fifteenth off; my approved request off is in the book and everything. She scheduled me for the fifteenth... I had to sit and argue with her about it until she finally remembered- but she "took the weekend" away from me. So I work Saturday or Sunday, big whoop! I thought I was going to anyway, and working the weekend is better than missing my math final.

I'm doing laundry right now. Laundry sucks; it takes too long. It's easy and I actually kind of like doing it, but at the same time when you're waiting for your clothes to dry sometimes it feels like an eternity.

I don't like not having a phone. Although I don't use mine much, I can't text out of boredom or even have random conversations with people. Plus, Christine didn't know that my phone went missing, so apparently she text me "important stuff" over the weekend. I wasn't working the weekend, so I don't know what she sent... I bought a new phone for twenty bucks- I used to have one just like it and I liked it until it got stolen out of the parking lot at work :(

I hate how I sign on to write down important stuff, and everything I was going to write about just falls out of my head.

Another One

Sometimes,
I feel like such a little kid.
I always find myself idolizing people...
I idolize everyone in different ways.
I just like to see the positive in everyone
I like to try to apply that to myself.
I'm always working on being a better person,
and I think it helps to look at others
for guidance.

Anyway,
my point is that sometimes I like to copy.
(Ideas, not homework.)
This is another post that Mandy inspired
although,
she did ask a question
which I'm going to answer
so I guess you could say it's a response.

She wrote a blog about finding a
word
to help through the new year.

"Not a word to define you, not a word that will remind you to do something

or help you achieve your desired resolution.*

but a word that will help you achieve something positive?

a word that will help you make your own positive influence in your life?"

Throughout her blog,
I kept trying to think,
what would my word be?
Nothing came up,
and I figured that my resolutions would be enough.

Then she said
"*I think resolution's are a great place to start to find a word"
And a word popped into my head.
Achieve.
But then it occurred to me that it would be cheating
since the word is supposed to help me "achieve"
So instead,
I have picked a different word.

2009 wasn't my best year
I had fun
met some friends,
lost some friends,
and realized that I didn't like what I was doing
or I guess I should say
what I wasn't doing.

My grades slipped
my life vanished
and I found myself at a standstill.
I had no goals set.
My day kept repeating itself:
Get up
go to work
eat
go to school
eat
go home
watch TV
go to bed.
And then the next day was the
exact
same
thing.
Over and over and over again.
I wasn't even saving much money,
if any at all.
What's worse,
I was spending it all on food.

Well,
when I realized all of this
it was probably around August.
It took me a while
to get back up on my feet.
I wasn't fast enough
to get my grades up
or to get my social life back,
but I'm working on it.

I don't want my life
to just be day by day
I want my life to be
extraordinary!
I have to make it that way.

So,
my word for 2010 is
Succeed.

I chose succeed because I want to get somewhere this year.
I don't care where,
as long as it's forward
since 2009 was probably about
five steps back.
I don't expect everything to go
exactly how I want it to,
but I plan on doing my best
to do everything that I can.

♥

One More Year

New Years Day

Yay

:)

I didn't get my RCA post finished like I had hoped I would. In fact, I haven't written anything on it in a while and I kind of like it that way. It was one of the biggest things that has ever happened in my life, and at times it's the only thing that I can think about. I want to remember, but I don't want it to consume my life and that is why I like the fact that I haven't been able to add anything recently. Last night at midnight, it clicked in my head that I graduated two years ago; I couldn't believe it had been that long.

I didn't get good grades Fall semester. Honestly, I didn't even get okay grades. I'm not happy about it, I'm embarrassed about it, but I'm not going to let it keep me from getting good grades this semester.

Now that I have the "didn'ts" out of the way, I can write out my new year's resolutions :)

First off, does anyone find it funny how everyone feels like the new year is supposed to make things magically easier? I mean, why is it that we make new year resolutions? Why not make them any day? Does the fact that the last [two] digits of the year change make anything different? No. And yet, here I am, making my goals for the year. Hopefully, they're realistic enough for me to keep.

Get Good Grades

All A's and B's

with the exception of math

where I may have to let a couple of C's slide

(two math classes)

I don't plan on getting C's

but like I said,

I'm trying to be realistic.

If I get straight A's

I'm buying myself something spectacular

I just haven't decided what yet

:D

Meet People

I don't talk to people much

classes are just in and out and on your way,

I work alone,

and I have the hardest time talking to strangers.

That's not true.

I can talk to anyone

but they have to start the conversation

it's kind of weird.

Get Into Photography

I love taking pictures.

LOVE IT!

But,

I want to get into the kind of photography

that I'll be able to hang around my house.

I've never been the type to enjoy scenery shots,

I enjoy pictures of people!

But I have no subjects.

This kinda goes hand in hand

with my "Meet People" goal

C:

Draw!

Drawing is another thing that I love

but I do not do enough of it

(because I'm lazy)

I want to hang my artwork.

There are a couple of drawings I did last semester

that I feel are good enough to go up

but I want to get better

and I want to learn color.

Save Money

I do this already.

Actually,

I think this is something that I'm REALLY good at.

But!

My goal is to save

at least $100 from every paycheck

I usually can do more,

but every once in a while

I cut things close

and end up with around $50 for savings.

I don't like that.

Let me put it this way;

very rarely does my checking go under $100.

I don't like when it does that

and my account emails me when it does.

I'm very paranoid about it.

So when I get my paycheck,

I figure out my bills,

and try to pay everything with that paycheck.

For instance,

lets say I have a $500 check,

and just to make it easy I have three bills for $100 each.

That means I have $200 left over,

which stays in my checking,

but whatever was in my checking before that check

goes into my savings.

It's quite fun to do actually.

But if I get a $300 check for those bills,

that means that I have nothing left over

which means no money goes into my savings.

My goal doesn't allow for that,

so we'll see how things go :)

Be Nice

This one I know is kind of odd

but I don't really know how to explain it.

I'm a nice person,

sometimes too nice

but at the same time

I can get kind of catty.

I haven't been recently

(with the exception of work related topics)

and it's made me feel better.

Like I said,

it's hard to explain

So, moving on.

Schedule

This is probably my least realistic goal.

I find myself wide awake at one in the morning at times,

and even on nights before work!

Getting up isn't difficult

but then as soon as I sit down to relax,

I'm out!

...

Until ten, at which point I can't sleep again.

I want to get on a better schedule.

One Me a Month

I like to splurge a little every so often,

and spa days are perfect for splurging.

I no longer get a water delivery every month

so that saves me $38.38

I was planing on just saving it,

but I figured a little me time is better :)

There are a few different things I can do for pampering:

Manicure

Pedicure

Facial

Massage

Hair cut/dye

Prices vary between $20 and $100

so it'd be nice to do one of these things every month.

I want to pick a specific day,

like the third Saturday of the month or something,

but we'll see.

I feel like I'm missing something, but I can't think of anything else. Plus I need to start working on math homework...

...

Stalling.

:}