Self Esteme

Girls are stupid.

and I mean that in the most affectionate way ♥

Like most girls, if not all,
I catch myself criticizing everything that I do,
everything that I am.
Recently,
I've realized that it's all in comparison:

When I see a girl happier than me,
I tell myself I don't do enough.
When I see a girl skinnier than me,
I tell myself I am not fit enough.
When I see a girl smarter than me,
I tell myself I don't study enough.

It just goes on and on
and in high school,
I even wrote a poem about it:
"Just a fallback, a second choice

Never amazing, only good-enough
Never stunning, only pretty
Never brilliant, only smart
Why am I only okay?"

Although I've grown up,
and my views have changed,
I still find myself thinking about these things.

The other day someone called me ugly,
they even made fun of my nose.
(which I have always been insecure about)
I've never been called ugly before
and although I know I'm not a perfect ten,
I know that I am not ugly.
But still,
it has bothered me
a lot more than I thought it would-
or even could for that matter.

But why?
It doesn't matter what some guy says!

Also in high school,
one of my friends seriously worried me.
At 120lbs,
some guy called her fat!
This was the result:
I still remember her crying,
I still remember catching her in the bathroom,
I still remember her passing out during class...
I hate the person that hurt her,
but I also hate that it affected her like this.

Some days it's easier than others;
we can just shrug it off,
what do they know?!
But at other times,
the criticism wins.

Sometimes I find it hard
to believe that I'm a good person.
I've messed up so much,
and most of it has been recently.
I don't have a best friend,
I don't have a boyfriend,
and sometimes that really gets to me.
But in reality,
it just gives me more time
to be the best that I can be.

I've let this post stray a bit,
but my point is that
we need to stop comparing.
(I still can't put the words in the right places.)
Some people are going to like you,
others won't be able to stand you.
It's just the way the world works,
and as long as YOU like who you are,
that's all that really matters.

After all,
eventually,
[[Everything will be okay.]]