Love Life

Sooo, I'm just a little bit annoyed right now. I typed up a very long blog, and then it got deleted while adding photos. Then, I typed again what I had written to the best of my abilities, and I again accidently deleted it by trying to add more photos. Gr. I'm going to type it ONE MORE TIME. After all, the third time is a charm right? Plus, I'm covering Jeff's shift at Homestead, so I have nothing better to do at the moment.

Last Friday (not last night but last Friday) I hung out with my CareBear. I realized that she is probably one of the best friends that I have ever had, she has never done anything to hurt me. No talking behind my back, no judging, none of that stuff that catty girls do. The only bump in our relationship that I can remember is from when she lived with me; not realizing how much it costs to live on your own, she thought I was ripping her off bill wise. But it still has yet to affect our friendship, and even though we don't hang out very often it's always wonderful when we do. Not to mention a total blast :)

Then last Saturday, I hung out with my parents and went to the ASU game with them. I noticed a few familiar faces on the guard team, and it got me thinking about my sophomore year in high school. I may not have liked the cattiness and the backstabbing of SOME of the girls on the guard team, but I have to admit that I did have a lot of fun with them. Even after I quit guard, Natalie and I stayed friends. We had English together right after lunch first semester, and all I really remember is talking and giggling with her about tiny little happenings. It was fun. Anyway, I decided to message her over Facebook to let her know that I thought her team did well during their performance at the game, and that I think their uniforms are totally cute :) We ended up chatting back and forth over the past few days, and now we have plans to hang out again soon. I'm very excited.

Before working on this blog today, I had read all of Mandy's blog posts. It was really interesting to see how mature and grown up she has become, and makes me proud to say that she was once my best friend. Her good natured-ness (for lack of better words) made me sad to think that we no longer see each other nor do we speak as much as I would like to. I miss her greatly, and reading her posts made me wonder a bunch of what ifs. We never really had a fight or anything that I remember, we simply started on different paths at some point. So that makes me curious as to what would have happened had we not separated.

Aaaand, just because I can't think of any other better place to put it, this is a quote that Mandy had in one of her blogs, "Saying you love someone and not showing it doesn't constitute as love." As soon as I read this quote, I knew that it is perfect. I absolutely adore it <3

Recently, I had been having difficulty with people in general. I'm usually pretty good about having faith and trusting them, but with all of the bad relationships and broken friendships, I didn't know what to think anymore and I started to doubt the good in others. However, Mandy and Natalie have both sparked my interest and made me realize (again) that just because some people aren't what I expected, doesn't mean that there aren't good people out there. They have caused me to strive to better myself even more than I was before.

Myself:

Positive-

• I smile as much as I can.
• I am always there for those that I care about.
• I care about everyone.
• I will never turn away someone in need.
• I do my best to be my best.
• I love. Period.
• I never give up hope.
• I know that there is always room for change.
• I forgive very easily.
• I understand that just because today was awful, that doesn't mean that tomorrow won't be amazing.

Negative-

• I let others influence my decisions.
• I am needy.
• My emotions get the better of me at times.
• I can't stay angry ever, even when I should.
• I dwell on the past a lot.

In other news... I went on a date with a guy named Jeff last night. It wasn't all that bad, but it wasn't great either. Needless to say there won't be another date. He was nice and cute and had a future planned out for himself unlike the other guys that I have dated in the past, but he just wasn't what I want I guess. He talked a lot, mainly about sports. Like I said, it wasn't bad and I didn't really mind because I would rather listen than talk, but at the same time he repeatedly asked if I was nervous because I wasn't talking. It got annoying after the third time or so, since it wasn't even my fault. But it's okay, I had a little bit of fun. I mean, it got me out of the house in the very least. I knew it wouldn't go anywhere anyway. One because I don't think I could date someone seriously with the same name as my brother, but more-so than that he is allergic to cats. I love my babies, and nothing will ever keep me away from them.

I know, no new ones of Weeny. She's just too skittish, not to mention fast for the camera.

I'm not obsessed, only in love <3

Okay, maybe I'm a little obsessed :)

Aaaand, just because I can, here are some random photos :)

I don't think this post would be complete without some family photos.

FYI- this post took me a total of seven plus hours.

Correction. Eight plus hours.

Ohmigosh. 

Finally, I'm done.

But only until next time :D

Nightmare

Last night Jeff and I watched Animal House before bed and then I decided to sleep on the couch with my kitties. Zeus totally made himself comfortable on top of me, Halloween layed on the back of the couch, and Spaz made a homie little bed out of my legs. It was all fine and dandy until around twothirty in the morning at which point I awoke from a nightmare and freaked all of my cats away from me.

The nightmare involved this kid I barely know that is in my art class; his name is Justin and he and I talked on myspace a little before the school sememster began, but not since. Anyway, in my dream I started talking to him and he looked at me and said, "I've already decided I'm done with you." He then tried to kill me. I of course ran away and tried to dial my phone but it was broken. He had left his fancy phone sitting somewhere and I picked it up, but it was missing a battery. I was running through the condos I live at trying to scream but my voice was gone. Eventually I ended up at work where I remembered that there was a vending machiene that had the battery for the phone I had picked up for a cost of two dollars. I ran to the cash drawer and grabbed two dollars in quarters and then took off for the laundry room where the vending machiene was. It was dark in the hotel but the emergency lights were on since I had yet to open the front desk or anything. Then I heard someone coming, it was Justin and I knew it. I couldn't get the quarters to go into the slot because I was trying to jam them all in at once and my hands were shaking like crazy. I glanced over at the door, which in my dream was one of those zig-zag paper doors that slide open and closed. I then turned my attention back to the vending machiene where I was trying to push two quarters in at once. When I looked back at the door, it was closed. I debated for a minute, then figured that Justin knew where I was so I tried to scream a few more times to get help from someone, but again my voice was still gone and I could barely breath. I remember hearing Justin's footsteps but I don't remember the door opening. All I remember is a knife and then I woke up, heart pounding and still have asleep but sweaty and scared. The cats have torn down one of the long blinds over my sliding door, and when my eyes opened I could swear I saw Justin standing outside the window. I was so freaked out for a solid half hour I couldn't go back to sleep, but I couldn't get up and do anything either because my house was dark and still being half asleep I thought Justin could still get me. I started freaking out about having to leave my house before the sun came up for work and yada yada yada...

Yeah, so I had quite the adveturous night.

All day at work I've worked on my art projects. I still don't see how I'm going to get all this work done on time!

Other than that I simply can't wait to go visit family in Vegas again. I want to go soon, but I think it's going to have to wait until Thanksgiving.

Money Bites

I am getting so sick of having to stress about my credit and debit cards so much. I don't know how or who, but somehow weird transactions are always pending on my accounts. Sometimes they just mysteriously disapear, other times they post with another name and make complete sense, but worst of all is when they post and I don't know where it's coming from still. A couple weeks ago a post for around $250 was on my credit card statement for EHarmony. I have never been to that site in my entire life! Luckly, my credit card company took it off with very few questions asked. Now, there are two pending transactions for "QL Inc." and "Fisher Arizona," neither of which I could figure out when searching on google. I wish my bank would talk to me about them when they're pending, but all they say is that they have to wait for it to post first. That makes no sense to me, but whatever.

I don't want to do homework!

Just a Small Rant

So, textbooks are expensive which I think is stupid in the first place because although I understand that companies want to make money, shouldn't everyone be able to afford college?

Anyway, I just opened my psychology textbook and not only was it pricy, it doesn't even have a binding!!!! It's just a bunch of pages with a slightly thicker page for the front and back "covers" and holes for a binder. What the heck?! Really? Why not just let me pay per page if they're going to do that? Stupid.

Picture is blurry due to poor cell phone quality. Excuse the bare foot in the corner please :)

Kind of Random?

So to start off my morning, I slept right through my alram for work since I couldn't sleep until four am for the second day in a row. Luckly, I woke up to my phone vibrating from a text message (how I slept through the "HELLO SLEEPYHEAD! TIME TO GET uUuUP! UP Up up up Up up UP!" and not the quite vibrate I'm still not really sure.) It was just past six thirty so luckly I had taken a shower last night and I just threw on work clothes and grabbed my keys and a SlimFast before running out the door. I went to start my car, but the key wouldn't turn. I pushed the gearshift into park and hit it a couple of times since that usually works, but then I noticed an extra little key on my set; I had grabbed Jeffrey's keys. Oops! So I had to run back into the house before I could go to work.

When I got there, Connie was acting funny. She's really a creepy lady to begin with and I feel like her head is going to do a three sixty at somepoint, so I just shrugged it off. But then she started giving me attitude. She was doing things that I had already told her numerous times before that she wasn't supposed to do and when I brought it up to her she just kept tsking at me and telling me that she was "Just giving customer service." What she was doing was getting me into trouble. Eventually I gave up, but was in a huff of a mood. When Martha got to work a ranted to her a little, just to explain the situation, and then I was over it. I'm so sick of people disrespecting me just because I'm younger than them, or because I'm not the manager. I am in charge when the manager is not here, Victoria has even sat them down to tell them that. But they still just don't listen. Leslie came in today though, and I very carefully explained my situation with Connie. I tried not to let my feelings get involved or my personal issues, I just wanted her to know that she wasn't listening and it was going to cost the company. For example, instead of folding the towels, she's simply been putting more than half of them in the dye bucket which is for the ones that are stained or torn. No wonder we have no linins for the guests! We just got a box of washcloths a week ago. Thats about fifty cloths, and this morning we were out. When Cindy found them in the bin, I told Leslie. There was absolutely nothing wrong with them, they were still brand new.

School is totally stressing me out. I absolutely LOVE it, but keeping up with everything is a bit much. I have math, psychology, and astronomy homework to do online and it's constant, so I just feel like I'm never finished. To top it off, I had to sit down with my astronomy teacher last night between classes because the math is over my head for the class! He told me that he would give me all the help I needed and that if I started to fall behind he would get me into the tutoring program for free. So far it looks like I'm safe, once he explained what I couldn't get I did okay. Then I also have this semi creepy kid that likes to stare at me who has offered as much help as I need. I can tell that he's just kind of a dweeb and that he doesn't know what to do around girls, but the staring is a bit far. On Monday he was sitting on the opposite side of the glass and out of the corner of my eye I could see him just straight out starring at me. I thought he may know me from high school or something, but I don't think so. Wednesday he sat down, then realized that the seat to my right wasn't taken and asked if he could sit there. I thought maybe then he wouldn't stare, but I was wrong. He did help me with my homework a bit though, which was nice.

I don't remember my point to all of that.

It's 1:34 in the afternoon, time to start getting ready for my end of shift. At 2:30 I'm going to take off, go home to change, grab a pillow, run by the art store to buy my supplies, then head to school. I think I can get there in time... Hopefully. The teacher doesn't mind about being tardy, but I do.

After school is I think dinner with Alaina and I think we're going to hang out at my parents for a bit before curfew so that we can not bug her mom <3 Plus I have to feed Saddie and Mattie.

I'm spending the weekend at Mom and Dad's. After work tomorrow I'm going to pick up all of my babies and bring them with me. Mattie will get over it, she knows she's my favorite anyway.

Curl Up and Dye Hair Salon

So I got to work at 2:30pm today. School starts tomorrow, so I work Sunday nights instead of Tuesday now, which is better than losing hours. Anyway, there were no check ins and the paperwork only took two minutes so I started working on my homework for the online math and psychology that I'm taking. That was at three o'clock, it's now eight and I just finished. Chapter nine is done for math (the first chapter in this class) and the first couple assignments are done for psychology, which is all she has available as of now. I took the quiz on chapter nine and got a 74 point something percent on it, but I have two more tries at it. I figured I'd wait a bit before attempting again since I'm worn out on math. I noticed that a couple things were just tiny little goofs, so I know that I wasn't concentraiting as well as I could have been. Math is just difficult because I don't get it right away so I get really frustrated and want to stop but since I can't I do it in a huff which can cause some wrong answers during tests.

Other than that not much is going on. I dyed my hair on Wednesday and LOVE it; it's black (actually dark purple but looks black) and bright purple. It was supposed to be a dark, dark brown with multicolored streaks, but Joyce didn't understand I guess. I told her that I didn't want "shoepolish black" so she suggested that we put this really pretty redish-purple color as highlights in the dark brown. I was totally for it of course. We were supposed to do that and green, purple, and blue streaks but she was out of green and blue so we just went with purple. I didn't want the orange that she had. I told her that it could not be noticed at work and that I'm job searching so it's very important that it's easy to hide. I thought she would put streaks underneeth. Boy was I wrong! She put the purple right on the top of my head! She told me that I would be able to part my hair differently and it wouldn't show, but then when all was said and done she was playing with it trying to show me but when it didn't work she said, "Well, you'll figure something out." It shocked me, but I guess people make mistakes. Also, I think my hair is darker than what she had planned since there were five other people that she was working on while I was in the studio. I hate that she does that... So basically I think that she just didn't get to it fast enough. Overall, it's really no big deal. I love my hair and my boss likes it too so I guess I really have nothing to worry about :)

I'll upload a picture when I get home.

The new do :)

Job Searching

I've dropped off several applications now and a few different places: Einstein Bagels, Starbucks, and all the three or more star hotels I could think of... I also have been updating my Monster.com profile daily to try and attract some employers to me, but I highly doubt I will attain a decent job that way. So far it looks like Starbucks is interested in hiring me. I went in uber early in the morning (4:30am) to put in an application before work yesterday, then went back after work to introduce myself to the manager. He gave me a short, on the spot interview but seemed a bit put off with the fact that I go to school, but once I told him I am going at night I think he seemed a little more interested. I told him I could work open till three pm every day that he needs me to, so I hope that helps. He said he would call me no earlier than the begining of next week for an actual interview; if I don't hear from him by Tuesday I'll go "bug" him about it. I would love to work there though, not because I like coffee or anything, but because it's litterally a two minute walk from my house.

Other than that, I'm starting to get a bit more serious about the whole FIDM thing. I spoke with an advisor over the phone yesterday but it was a little weird. They had all kinds of information on me from around three years ago, you would think that if they stopped sending me stuff in the mail they would delete all my files, but no. She answered all the questions that would pop into my head and was very nice. My biggest problem right now is where to live. I want to live in the dorms, but I just can't live without my cats; they are my babies and the things that I look forward to coming home to every day. The advisor gave me a few options, and the one that I really need to think about is to live in the dorms for ten weeks (one semester) without my cats, and then to move out once I make friends that don't mind being my roommate with three cats somewhere else.

Alaina and I hung out last night, but she didn't seem to happy with my FIDM plans. I want to attend starting Fall of 2010 which means I would move at the latest one year from this week really. She wants me to wait three years and go with her, which I would but there really is no point for me to stay here once I get my associates degree. She can come move in with me later if she still wants to. Our polar opposite personalities probably wouldn't be the best under one roof though. We'll see.

Anyway, while we were hanging out last night we went shopping. I have never gotten so many dirty looks in my entire life! I was wearing my interview outfit so I know that I didn't look bad, I didn't smell according to Alaina, and the same went for her. We're still trying to figure out what we did yesterday to get people so bitchy with us. The salespeople, fat chicks, skinny chicks... everyone was just rude.

I still need to dye my hair.

Zuzu is my lil' cuddle buddy.

He loves to go on car rides.

He slept in my lap like this for over two hours.

Hair Issues

So I have decided that for my twenty first birthday I'm chopping all of my hair off and dying it blonde blonde. This is what Alaina looks like with it, and it's the exact coloring that I want, but I'll probably play with the style a bit.

I absolutely love the choppy look with hair, I don't really know why. Layers are just fun. Right now I'm trying to find something new cut-wise. I was looking at some pictures from about a year ago and I really liked how my bangs were cut at one point. The only problem with bangs is that my hair grows waaaaaay too fast. It bothers me because they always get in my way and then they get to a length that isn't attractive anymore. Like when they're at chin level, they look like crap because they won't stay in a pony because they're too short but they don't look good just swept to the side either. But knowing me I probably will end up getting bangs again next time I see Joyce.

I also am looking for an immediate fix for my color. I can't stand it; it's not brown but it's not blonde either it just looks dirty. I have only kept it for this long because everyone says that they like it, but the more and more I look at it I just can't stand it. It's just not my color, my skin almost blends with it and my makeup style is definitely designed for dark hair. And besides that I find myself to lean toward more extreme ways of style I don't really know why so having an in-between color bothers me I guess. Now my only issue is what color to go with. I've done red so many times but I have to admit that I love this color.

And yes again that's Alaina, she always picks good hair colors I've never disliked one of hers before. Now she just sticks to dark brown though, which looks amazing on her. Anyway! All I know color wise is that I want to go darker. I don't want black because it just looks tacky, but a really dark dark brown might be nice. I just have a lot of people say I look like Alaina already, I don't know if I can have the same hair color as her too. It's kinda... well for lack of better words tacky! Alaina found a dark hair color that looks purple, but I just don't know if that's a good idea with the fact that I'm looking for a job and everything. I love crazy colored hair, but I'm just too old for it. I wish I could have done it all in junior high and high school and gotten it out of my system. Joyce told me she could put color in my hair that I could hide while at work and then show it off while I'm not, so I was going to ask her about that next time I went. Honestly it would be best to simply go to Joyce and ask her what she thinks I should do but I don't want to spend sixty dollars to get my hair dyed. Seriously, bleach is one thing but I can have Alaina color my hair at home for ten bucks, and that includes all the tools and such. If I do the red above I'll probably put black streaks in it just for the fun of it, I think that looks good and I've wanted to do so for a couple years now. Otherwise I'll probably just end up with a plain old brunette color :( There was another red that Alaina found that has just a tiny hint of purple that I know I could get away with, but I've had something really similar before and I want something new. Same with the cut. I hate not having more variety. I just feel like my hair is the one thing that I can change constantly but I can't seem to find anything that I like. Okay, that's a lie. I brought in a picture of a haircut that I LOVE to Joyce and asked her to cut my hair that way. It didn't turn out anything like the picture. I think she's scared to go too far, but honestly it's hair. It grows back and if something doesn't look good I can just chop it off and start over. I've done it several times before and I look dang good with short hair. I actually love the styles with short hair better, but long hair makes me feel more feminine.

Anyway, point is I need to dye my hair. Period.

PS-

This is the hair cut I wanted... and still want actually.

Work

So last week I told Victoria that I would like as many hours as she could schedule me and that I would like to become full time if at all possible. This week (today) she scheduled me four hours LESS than what I normally have. She gave those four hours to an employee who is no longer supposed to be employed here. From what I was told, she was fired once Bahi was able to work solo, which she did all weekend. So why did Victoria give Pam four of my hours this week? To top it off, when I walked through the door Victoria, Pam and Tammy were all sitting around talking about me. I was supposed to come in at six, and I walked in the door eight minutes before. Pam and Tammy were complaining that I was always late. Tammy said that on normal days when I'm scheduled at two, she needs to be out the door at one fifty to catch her bus. I'm not allowed to clock in until two, so I'm not coming in fifteen minutes early so that she can catch me up on everything and take off ten minutes before her scheduled time. Sorry. When they realized that I was standing at the front desk, they asll smiled and asked me how my weekend was. Talk about twofaced. They each gave me a million things to catch up on and all spoke at once before taking off out the door, I didn't understand a word they said nor did I get the chance to ask questions. Not only that, but Pam and Tammy were both clocked in, which means that Tammy got four hours extra on her pay this week. I understand that she's in her late forties and needs the money, but I also told Victoria that I need hours too so just because I'm nineteen I don't get them? I work my butt off at work and I've been here for almost an entire year; it will officially be a full year on the 24th of this month. And yet I feel like they couldn't care less if I were here or not. I almost get the feeling that Victoria is trying to get me to quit, but I don't understand why. Maybe it's because of my school schedule- after all the others that work here only work and have no other obligations to attend to... I scheduled my school semester this fall for night classes so that Victoria wouldn't need to varry the schedule again. Apparently that was my mistake because when Tammy was hired she was told she would be working Monday through Friday mornings- as was I when Jeanie left. So now Tammy is throwing a fit because she wants the days that I work. She doesn't want to work evenings, but neither do I. Why should I have to work nights just because she doesn't want to? Why should I have to re-enroll in different classes? I've been here longer, don't I have seniority?

Maybe I'm simply complaining about things that really don't mean anything, but I just want to be respected at work and I don't feel like I am. Victoria pushes me around because she knows that I won't push back and I'm tired of it. I stay here because the job allows time to work on schoolwork, but honestly I'm tempted to just go get a different job and buy a nice desktop computer so that I can do my homework at home. I guess that walking in to everyone saying negative things about me really bothered me, I don't feel that I deserve it. I think I'm a nice, hardworking employee but I guess I'm mistaken.